SADDer than SAD.

The TRUTH about Mental ‘illness’ is that while most people think that Mental illness is an issue that strikes only people who have severe problems in their thinking and behaving, MOST OF US have had seeds of self discontent sown into our brains over our lifetime that can cause disabling distress throughout our society, affecting even those people – sometimes especially those people – who appear to be so successful and ‘have it all together’. When you look at the fact 1 million people a year commit suicide, and another 2 – 3 million die of unintentional ‘overdoses’, and these people represent only a small percentage of the people with underlying depression and an even lower percentage of people with low self esteem, it begins to appear more might be happening. Many of those people with the useless deaths above were never diagnosed with any kind of mental illness – they took their secret pain to the grave with them, leaving agony and guilt in the hearts and minds of loved ones left behind. When you look at suicide rates not just in combat soldiers, but highly successful professionals like doctors and lawyers and business executives, it should lead to asking “what are we missing?” When the average functioning service span of ministers is 5 years before they burnout, again something doesn’t make sense.

Science News on July 9, 2016 has a very good article questioning what takes people over the edge from thinking about suicide to doing it. The term SELF HATRED echoes repeatedly through the article, and it carefully points out the evidence that even in combat soldiers, the risks and the self hatred were there before they ever went to combat, and combat did not significantly decrease the risk.

As a psychiatrist with over 35 years of treating a wide array of patients, as well as dealing with depression myself – although as for most professionals it was kept pretty well hidden – I think it is important for everyone to look at that issue of self hatred. Maybe for you it isn’t THAT severe, but far too many people of all ages, sexes, careers and so on suffer from a seriously low self esteem for which I am coining the acronym SADD – Self Acceptance Deficiency Disorder. These are the people who strive so hard to be so good, do so well, serve others, and are incredibly hard on THEMSELVES, which often rubs off onto others around them in the whole process. The fact that CBT helped change the suidicality in a significant portion of the soldier patients reinforces the fact it is an issue related to thought processes which is great news, because it improves the prognosis – and usually helps without chemicals. The other important factor needs to be looking and when and where this SADD appears in peoples lives so the thrust can be toward early intervention, both in the real of stopping the processes that promote the development of the self-dislike, but also to push for very early recognition of any signs and symptoms that problems are developing and get help in there early. In very recent years there has been an important step taken in that all primary care doctors are now supposed to enquire about symptoms of depression, but by that time the person may have developed a lot of defense and denial and shame about admitting any such ’weaknesses. They are now moving toward asking teens as well, which is a good thing to do – IF you have a good enough relationship with them (and probably IF you have them away from the contributing family and/or friends) to get them to open up to you. In today’s medical environment where doctors have insufficient time to build bonds, that is getting harder and harder at all ages. And we must not forget the younger children, because thoughts of pervasive sadness, low self esteem, self criticism and yes even suicidal thoughts can and do occur in very young children. I had quite serious plans at the age of 8!!!

So much of what has happened to cause this problem was done with all the good intention in the world – not wanting to ‘coddle’ people and make them too soft, not wanting them to be selfish and self centered and ‘spoiled’. Truly we all need guidance growing up about how to act and blend in with family, friends and society, but the good intention went too far in many cases and did not have the essential balance of helping our kids feel loved, wanted, accepted and knowing when they were doing well. My father was so intent on not ruining me with a bunch of ‘mush’ that hugs didn’t happen, and not only were the slightest mistakes criticized, but somehow the things I did right were also criticized – and in the very damning fashion that it was not just the behavior that was bad – I was a bad person for doing that behavior. Overall our society, parents, schools and churches have spent way too much effort condemning people from early childhood on for all the things they do ‘wrong’ and making them feel like useless, horrible misfits only fit to die. When nothing one does is ‘good enough’ to earn praise from those significant others when we are small it set a pattern in place that just gradually grows – a kind of ‘emotional erosion’ if you will, that keeps eating away at the underpinnings leaving a child no positive ground to stand on. Believing that one is horrible and unworthy can indeed lead to self hatred and then indulgence in behaviors that reinforce that and can lead to things like substance abuse in an attempt to either run from the pain or stir up chemicals to lighten the pain. Actually almost any addiction can do that, even positive ones. Keep in mind, we haven’t even mentioned anything really traumatic happening – loss of parents, physical abuse, sexual molestation, significant injuries or illnesses – just ‘emotional erosion’. Lest you think erosion is not a powerful force, think about the Grand Canyon! It is also important to keep in mind that the effects are additive throughout society – and much of it done with good, but misguided, erroneously educated members of society. I have heard many ministers talk of the damage even churches have done by damning people rather than building them up in a spirit of love. When the put down come from parents, other relatives, teachers, preachers, TV shows, movies, magazines, music and cartoons, the individual trickles turn into a massive flood and we have all seen on TV the damage that massive floods and mudslides can do to geography. The same thing happens to the hearts and souls of many of us.

So if we are willing to look at that as a viable hypothesis, what can be done to start solving the problem – and doing so hopefully from the time of conception to the time we depart this life? How do we get people to love themselves, accept themselves, appreciate themselves – FLAWS AND ALL – as creations of God and instead of sentencing themselves to internal hell, fire and damnation, to start giving themselves the love the creator of this universe surely intended for all of us? I have dealt with way too many people who, by the time they are in their 20’s have pain so deep it is almost impossible to turn around with meds, therapy or any other treatment strategy, especially if they have found out they can drink or abuse various chemicals – prescription or otherwise – and that will temporarily hide the pain for them. How do we get people away from what has come to feel like a life raft for them – saving them for right now even if in the long run they realize it is going to kill them. My brother couldn’t be reached and pulled back from his alcoholism – not even after inpatient care, jail time, and developing diabetes from wiping out his pancreas with alcohol – and he died at 39 – escaping that wracking pain that constantly inbred the feeling that somehow he wasn’t acceptable – not to himself and therefore not to others. My sister and I understand that deep, gut wrenching pain all too well, as we throw ourselves into a life of ‘workaholism’ and doing for others and not caring for ourselves and not letting love in from others like we should because we learned almost too late that WE Deserve Love and that it has to start from the inside for us to let it in from the outside. It no doubt also tainted the love we gave to others despite our good intentions – just like so many millions of others in this world.